For the past six months I've been battling it out with myself about whether I still want to be an artist. I was trying to dance around the thoughts I'm not cut out for being a hashtag "#artistoninstagram" and I need a "real job". For clarity: I will always be an artist, but I don't want my liveli... View Post
Is it just me or does everyone feel as if 2019 will be the year we reach a potential that has been swelling inside us for an eternity..
For seven years I've been reckless with my health, wealth, friendships, family, career and reputation.
I buried the guilt and shame in my mind which lead me into the darkest place under the heaviest rock at the bottom of the ocean.
I tried to terminate my life daily while juggling being an artist and unfortunately at the time a role model.
Today I am one year and a few weeks sober from my addiction to cocaine.
I spent the last year backtracking my mistakes and coming to conclusions on how and if ever I will get to be forgiven by myself, others, and the higher powers that observe.
2018 wasn't HASHTAAAAG MY YEEEEAAAAR -_- but it was the first step.
I'm gaining my confidence back that I am worthy, I am beautiful on the outside, I am blessed enough to have enough and that is enough. It took me all year to get back on my feet even though I have never experienced what it would be like to even be on my feet. I've had my head in the clouds since I was fifteen and determined to live fast, get loaded and overdose at 27.
Next month I am going to be 26. The pressure is weighing heavily on my heart whether I fulfill a self proclaimed prophecy that I have been pursuing for ten years. I kept telling myself every year, only ___ many years till I am 27 and all this is over. But... Since I am sober my desire to live is outrageous.
I want to MAKE EVERYTHING. I'm not done here. I just started. I don't know what will happen next. I'm conflicted between deleting my entire data-base of art or keeping the emotional baggage of being an obsessive compulsive creator with more work than I have space. Physically I don't have enough space and neither do I mentally.
Looking at a piece of work I did when I was in a dark place isn't as romantic as it used to be... I'll update the people that do read my blog at least once a week, every week - all 2019
HERE'S MY GOALS FOR 2019
By the way, I spent 45 minutes in the sun while writing this post!
May the Higher Power that serves you bless your day, month and 2019. Smile today even if you hate smiling, even a smirk triggers endorphins and helps our last few braincells open a ice cold can of serotonin.
Thanks for your time, interest, or whatever you're here for. You're not alone, put your fav song on and go start your 2019 goals list if you haven't already! Let's manifest this abundance together! We're stronger in numbers <3
Love, Lucy Ford